Many parents feel that when they are strict with their kids, they are raising the bar for their children to do better and grow into successful adults. When we become too nitpicky with our children, our disciplinary techniques can often backfire resulting in behavioral and academic problems, if not worse, and more permanent effects. When we are overly strict with our kids and we implement unrealistic expectations for them, this will impact them negatively over time. Our parenting may result in resentfulness and distrust towards us, low-self esteem, and more. A child who is always being scolded may grow up to be an indecisive adult who lives as a people-pleaser, and one who is afraid to express their true passions out of fear of not being good enough.
It’s important to remember that we should only punish our children for things that are actually worth scolding. If they make a silly mistake, break something, or end up learning a life lesson the hard way, we should always seek out a compassionate way of dealing with the problem.
Negatively Effects Self-Concept
Punishing children causes a loss of confidence and self-esteem. As children, we absorb what we hear like sponges. We idolize our parents and believe everything they tell us without a shred of doubt or the impulse to question. When parents put their kids down, or worse use words like stupid, dumb, or lazy to describe them, it’s a recipe for a depressed and unsuccessful adult. It won’t be long before the child begins to associate with those words as part of their identity and starts really believing such terrible things about themselves. This may become amplified every time they make a mistake or get disciplined. Be the safety net for their mistakes and the person who’s always there to support them.
Causes An Indecisive Adult
When we over-discipline our kids and we are too hard on them for every small decision they make, it’s likely that they will transform into adults who constantly question their own judgment. There may be people you know who are always struggling to make a decision, or maybe they are afraid to say no and live life as a people-pleaser. Others may grow up to fear rejection and then give in to requests that aren’t suitable to meet their needs (like going out on a work night even though they’d rather stay home and relax). Behaviors like these often stem from a lack of self-esteem that was developed throughout childhood.
A Never-Ending No...Leading Them Off Course
As parents, we feel we know what’s best for our children, and want to prime them from an early age to be ready for the real world. Sometimes, we are so realistic with our day-to-day thought processes that have been wired for survival and success that we forget the importance of imagination and creativity, even when it may be completely unrealistic.
Our child may share thoughts with us about their dream job of becoming an astronaut, singer, artist, architect, among others. Why don’t we support them and let them know that literally anything is possible? At times, we can get so caught up in what’s realistic and what is make-believe that we forget to tell our children we believe in them, even through the wildest of ideas.
Oftentimes, parents try to guide their children down the direction they see them in like becoming a doctor, lawyer, dentist, etc. Many times, parents will try to push their children down a path that they wish they had conquered. We tend to forget about letting kids express their passions when they suggest interest in a hobby, activity, or field that we personally do not view as a reliable source of sustainable income. This could show itself in many small ways.
Maybe we refuse to take our kids to singing, dancing, or art lessons because we would rather them take interest in a more academic-based extracurricular like science club. When, in reality, that’s really that’s not where their heart is. And when parents don’t support their kids in their passions and dreams, no matter how ridiculous they truly are, then this child will grow into an adult who doesn’t believe in themself, always wants to play it safe, and has been robbed of the gift of enjoying their true passions in life.
Ignoring & Lack of Positive Reinforcement
When our children want to show us something, it may seem like a trivial accomplishment to us, but to them, it means the world to them to receive your approval after doing something well. When we dismiss our kid’s successes, good grades, improvements, projects, skills, new hobbies, etc, we are instilling within them that they are not worthy to be recognized for all of the great things they have done in life- whether that be big or small.
Parents don’t usually ignore their children to be mean, but because they are preoccupied with day-to-day life. We get stuck in stale habits and we unconsciously dismiss our kids when they just crave a little recognition and approval. More often than not, this leads us to miss out on the best things in life-those small moments that seem to pass us by rather quickly. It is ultimately up to us whether we choose to uplift our kids and their self-esteem. We must celebrate their uniqueness.
No one said raising a child into a passionate and successful adult was easy. Leave your child in the best hands by enrolling them at Math Genie. Developing proper foundational skills from a young age is irreplaceable, and we want to help your child love learning (if they don't already.) Sign up for a free class and assessment today. We can't wait to meet you.
-The Math Genie team1