Every parent wants to see their children succeed. Whether it be academically, athletically, or even emotionally, we want to see our child go above and beyond and be the best in everything they do. And while watching a child ace test after test or walk off the pitching mound with a no-hitter under his belt are sure to have you gleaming with joy, there will come a time when your child fails at something. In fact, studies have proven your child needs to fail in order to grow.
Why Should I let My Kid Fail?
Carrie Palmquist, a psychology professor at Amherst College, and her former student, Ashleigh Rutherford, recently conducted a study and it was discovered "when young kids experience "illusory success" related to a particular task, their ability to formulate and act on judgments they make about their own performance suffers." In consequence to this, a child is likely to become accustomed to ignoring "valuable information they could use in future decision-making."
There's no denying that watching your child fail makes you feel incredibly helpless. And it's not surprising that it makes you angry as well because you feel there's nothing you can do. But the truth of the matter is, your child's failures can oftentimes be the cornerstone to success. Failure brings about the opportunity to recognize that a change needs to be made. And it's often through the changes that your child makes that he or she can get set upon a pathway leading to a bright future.
How Is This Going to Help My Child Grow?
Your child needs to endure the natural consequences of his or her actions. If the child fails to study for a test and fails, there's no need for you to ask the teacher for a retake. Instead, the child should study extra hard for the remaining tests and assignments to bring the final grade up. The goal is to make sure your child is learning from failures. It's also about "allowing your child to feel discomfort... such as worry, fear, disappointment, and the experience of having consequences for [his or her] actions." These are all feelings that a child needs to be familiar with because they are sure to be endured throughout many parts of life.
Learning and growing are essential to becoming successful in life. Part of parenting is watching and supporting your child during life's unfair and uncomfortable moments. This is why your child needs to fail in order to grow.